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Hi there, I'm Brian David Gilbert, and I
have absolutely no idea what I'm gonna

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be today. I would say it's about 60 -40
for excitement to nervous, and I think

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that's where I work best.

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Today we're giving this comedian a total
transformation.

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Fabulous. They have no idea who or what
they're about to become.

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Once they see themselves in the mirror,
they'll have to make up a character on

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the spot, and then sit down with me for
an improvised interview.

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This... It's very important, people.

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Oh, oh, I do feel the grip now, yeah.

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Three, two, one.

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Oh, my God.

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Oh, okay.

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Oh, my God, yes. Oh, wow.

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Finally feeling on the outside what's on
the inside now. Yeah, this seems right

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to me. Everything feels exactly as it
should. I feel...

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Incredibly powerful.

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All good things should have a bit of
malice in them, don't they? The

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of that is exactly what I want.

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Howdy there.

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How's it going? Come on into the
workshop.

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Now the thing is, I could also go much
higher.

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I don't mind that.

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Good evening.

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I just have a sort of voice that breaks
every other word.

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I could also go down here for a bit.

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If I felt necessary.

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I try to make sure that I'm as
approachable as possible. That's why I

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the arm. There's something fabulous
about me, too, and I do enjoy that.

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It feels great to be a 10, is what I'm
thinking.

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Seems right.

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Oh, you.

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We all have a story, and some of those
stories need to be shared with the

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Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis, back
with another edition of Very Important

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People.

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Please, introduce yourself.

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My name is Avery Goodman, Professor
Avery Goodman, if you feel like being

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about it.

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And all my friends just call me Jerry.
Jerry, you are... If you don't mind me

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saying so. Thank you very much. What is
this?

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May I ask? You came into the room and
you just lit it up.

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Well, actually, this is just a way of
regulation. You know, the concept of

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homeostasis, which cools you down. Of
course. Yeah, okay. Well, this is sort

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like an ultra -homeostasis, which makes
sure that I never have to sleep or eat

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or defecate.

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It just is all, it's one.

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singular system, and it takes care of
everything for me. Oh, I wish I could do

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that. Believe me, if you'd like, I could
install it for you. Oh, well, maybe

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we'll chat about that after. Okay,
sounds good. How about that? Business

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please. Business after.

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Professor Goodman, Jerry, I'm obviously
a massive fan of yours.

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For the viewers at home, if you don't
mind letting them know what you do

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specifically. Yes, of course. Well, I am
in charge of many electrical and

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mechanical procedures, and I feel like
they are...

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Just right there, right on the precipice
of really changing the world for the

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better. Yes. I see. Can you give us
maybe an example of a few of your

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inventions? Oh, of course. Well, I mean,
this is perhaps the most visible one,

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the claw, which is, you know, I love to
bring it out. It's a little party trick

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as we go.

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You know, this was just the first one.
This was just the beginning of it. But

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since then, I have worked on different
energy plans, ways of siphoning energy

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from both mechanical and biological.

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sources. People that are alive.

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Biological sources, right? Plant life,
perhaps animal life.

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People? Well, only sometimes. And of
course, with full consent. I have to

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it clear they have all in full mental
capacity.

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signs the things with very, very little
force.

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I have to ask, with some of your, shall
we call them enhancements? Oh, yes,

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please. And, you know, I don't want to
point out, but it's really such a

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Some would maybe refer to them as
machine -like.

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Yes, well, I would almost hope that they
would. Look, I think that there are

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many people out there, and they say, oh,
transhumanism, it is scary, it's

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worrisome. But look at me.

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I'm just like everyone else.

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Oh. Sorry.

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I'm sorry.

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It's a nervous tick, you understand.

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Can I ask? I'm so sorry. And if it's
rude, please stop me. Do you have

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Oh, I have complete control. Except for
when I've had one too many martinis.

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Okay. And then the clock gets its own
thing.

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Careful. Yeah, I'm very careful. But
you'll see that I'm quite dexterous. Oh,

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please. Which is what matters.

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I've done all of my... I'd offer to
help, but you... No, no, it's fine. I'm

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good. I'm getting there.

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I'm not thirsty.

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I have heard you have recently got
involved in local government. Oh, yes. I

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mean, I have always been the kind of
person that says, a person who wants to

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into politics shouldn't be a politician.

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And I have never, ever wanted to get
into politics. But after, you know, our

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mayor, after his tragic accident, I
said, This needs a strong hand, a strong

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claw, so to speak, to just help guide
this chaos into something a

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little bit more standardized.

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We do have a couple of your campaign
posters here. Vote for me or else.

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right. Some people are saying it sounds
a little threatening. Oh, well, at first

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glance, sure, you say vote for me or
else. What does that else mean? But else

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could mean so many things, right? You
know, vote for me or else you will vote

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for the other person. It doesn't have to
be read threateningly. Tongue.

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Yeah. It's all about tone. It's all
about tone. We're reading it in the

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tone. Absolutely.

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Speaking of tone and getting a clearer
idea of that, we have one of your

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campaign ads right here. Oh, thank you.
You can go ahead and take a peek at

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that. Goodbye.

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This city means so much to me, as I'm
sure it means so much to you.

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Unfortunately, there are things that
make this city worse.

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Difficulty with public transportation,
sanitary issues, the arts.

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If you vote for me, Professor Avery
Goodman, I can promise you that none of

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those things will even exist anymore.

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So vote for me. Or Elle.

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I'm Avery Goodman and I approve this
message.

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May I be blunt? Of course.

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Villainy.

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A little villainy. Oh, now, I have heard
that before, and it always really puts

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a bee in my bonnet.

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But I can understand where you're coming
from. Sure. I can understand. You see

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that and you say, oh, isn't there a
little bit of malice in that voice? And

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there never is.

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There really never is. So what is that
that I'm hearing, if not malice? It's

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simply being absolutely correct.

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Do you think? Yes, I think that what
you're hearing is just a person who

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beyond all doubt that they are right.

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Now, Jerry, earlier this year, you did
donate a box of your best inventions to

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the Smithsonian.

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They said, no, thank you.

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And we were able to get our hands on
those inventions. Oh, my goodness. All

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right. So we can go ahead and get the
first invention brought in here.

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Thank you so much. One of my favorites.

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You know what? You just keep holding on
to that. Let's get that on you right

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now, as soon as possible, as quickly as
we can.

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Let's get that right on there. Oh, hot
claw, hot claw. Yes, make sure we buckle

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that in. We don't want it to move
anywhere, do we? My nails can just be so

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difficult to work with. Oh, I
understand.

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Believe me.

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Now tell me, when you look through
there...

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Yes, yes, yes. Just like that.

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Doesn't the world just look a little bit
more neat? I want to say I could be a

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mile away with this. You absolutely can.
That's just one of the added bonus

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features of it. It is a lovely little
thing that plugs straight into your

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brainwaves. Is that what I'm feeling
back here? The little tickle back there?

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It's just an added bonus, I think. It
also helps just clean up things. And as

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you're reading certain things, whether
it be about art or entertainment, it

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gets rid of all of that unnecessary.
Unnecessary stuff and gets right down to

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the important things. Oh, sure. How long
is the movie? Take a look at this. You

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know? Oh, yeah. I'm just saying
declarative words.

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Exactly. Go ahead and take a look at me
really quickly. Oh, wow.

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Now, Vic, I know this might not be very
professional, but your eyes are just

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gorgeous. And if you don't mind me
asking, on a scale of one to ten, how

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you think you still need your eyes?

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I do not need my eyes. You don't need
your eyes? I do not need my eyes. That's

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wonderful. That's just... Fabulous.
Isn't that just fabulous, everyone?

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What happened? Oh, that's good. Oh,
don't worry about it here. We'll take

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right on off. Oh, a little bit of pain
as it comes off, and I'll just make sure

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that that is far away from here. I don't
want to get too close.

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We can just go ahead and get our next
invention in here.

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Yes, please.

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These are fun. These are beautifully
made. Thank you very much. Comfortable,

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minus the pain. Yes, of course.

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Oh, thank you.

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Now this one.

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Vic, let me ask.

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How frustrating is it when you wake up
and you hear that alarm and you press

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button and then you turn over and oh my
gosh, it's 30 minutes later. Has that

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ever happened to you?

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Constantly. I'm feeling like I'm having
whole adventures in my dream. Exactly.

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The important thing to know about this
one is that there's never a need to

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about alarms ever again.

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As you can see, you've already put your
fingers right in there. Do you feel a

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sort of circadian rhythm being just
locked in?

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There's the tick -tock of the clock, and
you are right on with it, aren't you? I

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am right on with it. You are right on
with it, aren't you?

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You're never going to have to worry
about missing the bus again.

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I'll just go ahead and grab that one
from you. You can use this later today.

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does that sound?

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There we go. What happened?

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Don't worry about it. I'm sorry.

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I'm taking little power naps. I'm doing
that now. I shouldn't be doing that on

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air. I'm sorry.

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That's fine. That's fine. What happened?

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Oh, well, you know, we just made sure
that the audience was still entertained.

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Weren't you all entertained?

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Very, very entertained. Well, you know
what? We got one more invention here.

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Maybe we can pull that out. We have one
more invention. Bring it on out. One

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more invention.

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Oh, lightweight, compact. Thank you so
much. What is this? You know, I have my

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own pager. Some people say, oh, that's a
little antiquated, isn't it? But the

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thing about that pager right there is
that it only tells you the important

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messages you need to know. Oh,
interesting. So much. We get our text

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from, say, our grandparents.

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They say, when are you coming to visit
again? And those are not.

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They really aren't because they can
handle themselves and you can too. And

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pager only gets specific messages
directly from me. What do you do? You

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it on here?

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Oh, yeah, just go ahead and throw that
right on there. Throw that right on

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there? The beauty of that is that you
don't actually need to check it.

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I'm seeing Vic is already enjoying all
of the benefits of this one. You hear

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beep go off and then you immediately,
oh, let's go ahead and do that thing

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I was telling you to do. Isn't that
nice?

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I think, you know, we all have that sort
of decision difficulty when we're

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trying to order pizza. What are we going
to have on it? But if I just go ahead

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and say, a pepperoni here.

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What are we ordering today, Vic?

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Pepperoni.

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Wonderful, Vic.

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There's no pepperoni here. I'll go ahead
and cancel that one real quick.

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All right, we're good. You can come on
back now.

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Beautiful, fantastic.

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And interview.

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There we go.

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Oh, we're back already, aren't we? Had a
little commercial break.

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I don't know what's happening to me. I
think I'm losing my mind. Don't even

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00:11:48,910 --> 00:11:49,910
think about it.

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00:11:51,970 --> 00:11:56,350
Jerry, we have some questions for you as
our resident scientist. We were hoping

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you could maybe answer a few things for
us. Guilty as charged, I'm a bit of a

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nerd.

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00:12:00,310 --> 00:12:03,230
Professor, please explain, what is
photosynthesis?

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Oh, well, it's not going to be very
necessary after I fix a few things

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00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:12,120
here, but if you want to get into it and
we want to talk about the different

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cycles, the Krebs cycle, a snooze fest,
am I right?

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00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:19,540
And that's why I will be getting rid of
it, so we don't have to worry too much.

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Let's go to the next question.

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Why is my mouth so dry when I wake up?
Oh, well, it could be from the screaming

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00:12:25,940 --> 00:12:28,520
that you do and that feel of intense...

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upset anger toward the world and toward
yourself and and you just start sleeping

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and you go and then you'll wake up and
your mouth will be a little

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bit dry but you can just drink some
water it's solved it's not an issue and

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here i was thinking it was sleep apnea
oh no no no no no that's a different

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thing entirely i see how many teeth does
an adult human have at least three

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What defines ultimate power?

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I think that the most important thing
when we discuss ultimate power is

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You know, people tell me all the time,
oh, you're the host. You must be in

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charge of the show. You must be the most
powerful one on set. You sort of said

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that when you came in. And that's not
true at all. I don't really have any

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control over the set. It's the director
and the producers. There's a lot of

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people in top of me. Would you like to
have full control over the set?

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Would I like to?

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I'm sure it would be nice.

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People sort of respected me when I came
in, right?

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Yeah, of course.

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I'm like, I'm so small compared to
everyone else. Not physically,

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quite tall.

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Frustrating, isn't it? It's like I came
in and our director, Tamar, was like,

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hey, how was your night?

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Right? And I'm like, you know my night
was fine.

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I got a lot going on. It's unnecessary.

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It's a power play more than anything it
feels like, right? So yeah, would I like

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a little bit more control? Absolutely.
Yeah, of course. What are you doing this

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weekend? What do you want to know about
my weekend? What do you need to know?

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Why do you need to know about my
weekend? I'm doing my things on my

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you don't need to worry about it. So we
do have one more question for you. Okay,

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yes, please.

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What is the meaning of life?

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Well, I would say right now there is
none.

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But soon.

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But soon? But soon.

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Soon. Soon what will the meaning of life
be?

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Oh, well, you'll just leave that up to
me, won't you?

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Ask me in a couple months.

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What's happening in a couple of months?
I'm holding a festival.

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00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:21,330
You're holding a festival? A big,
beautiful festival, and everyone is both

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invited and mandatory attendance.

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00:14:24,210 --> 00:14:28,050
You do have to go. You released another
campaign ad, actually, to tell us a

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00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:29,710
little bit more about it. Can we go
ahead and roll that?

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There is a deep -seated malignancy
within these city walls, one that only I

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excise. And on March 7th, there will
also be a festival. A bouncy castle will

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included. Come join us. You must.

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00:14:43,770 --> 00:14:45,330
Vote for me or Elle.

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I'm Avery Goodman, and I approve this
message.

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Okay. You know, I think I personally
need a minute after that

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00:14:55,210 --> 00:14:56,630
one, so we're going to cut to
commercial.

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00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:57,830
Thank you.

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00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,650
Want a hot dog and one's not available?

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00:15:03,090 --> 00:15:04,210
Chomsky's potato chips.

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00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:07,010
America's crunchiest, heartiest, and
tastiest chips.

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00:15:09,610 --> 00:15:11,090
So delicious.

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00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,700
Thank you all so much for joining us.
We're almost out of time here on Very

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00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:21,540
Important People, but I know that you
wanted to let me do one final campaign

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00:15:21,540 --> 00:15:28,340
spiel, but if you wouldn't mind, Vic, I
really appreciate it if you did

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00:15:28,340 --> 00:15:30,080
that for me, wouldn't you? Please.

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Join us.

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Resistance is futile.

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The town's square.

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There will be a bouncy castle.

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Oh, I can't wait to see you all there.

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Fabulous work, Vic. Fabulous work.

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We'll work on your intonation a little
bit later, but I think that's pretty

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good. I think that's just fine enough
for our first attempt.

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First of many, many.

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Goodbye, everyone.

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00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:02,240
Other way, Vic.

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00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,040
Thank you.

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00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:10,640
I have to fix the mobility on that one.